Christmas Conflicts of Interest- Holiday Birthdays

There are two types of people in this world: the people who have birthdays at some point during the year, and those who have their birthdays during the Christmas holidays. Those of us who are truly unfortunate have our birthdays on or between December 24th and January 1st and since mine falls quite snuggly between both Christmas and New Year’s, I am one of these chosen few. Yes, our life is as hard as everyone who pities us believes, and, like the sympathetic but unactionable masses walking past that homeless man with the friendly dog begging for money so that the dog can eat, those who pity us keep declining to show at our pathetic attempts to host our own birthday celebrations thereby furthering the problem rather than making it any better. This blog post is thusly dedicated to us chosen ones who are strong in spirit and relentless in our resistance to the pressure of the holidays to try and squeeze our unique and individual birthdays into a single meal of birthday and Christmas/New Years.

Post your own experiences with the dreaded “Christmas Birthday” in the comments below and together we can educate the common rabble.

sad birthday

No, I do not want one large present though I will take the large present and expect another just like all the other kids get. All humanity was born equal, or does that not apply to matters of self-esteem? I also will not satisfy your eagerness to open both Christmas and birthday presents on one day. It’s like a steak dinner. The steak is delicious and so is the ice cream sunday afterwards, but eaten together….well, that’s just gross.

The emotional collateral damage us Holiday birthday people have to endure from everyone trying to plug us into their schedule is boarder line with first world human rights infractions.

Once I invited Chuck Norris to my birthday party, but when the party time came and he didn’t show up, he excused himself by saying that he said he was already there- in the future. So I round house kicked him because I was mad that even Chuck Norris had to come up with an excuse for not coming to my party. He said the kick didn’t count because he wasn’t actually there to be hit- he was at msad-birthday-caty future party.

Please, tell me again how much it must suck to have a Christmas timed birthday. Maybe instead of telling me how crappy the time of my birth was, you should be confessing to a priest for all the 6 year old souls you destroyed by giving them a combined birthday/ Christmas gift.

It’s less disappointing to pretend that your birthday doesn’t really exist than it is to believe that THIS year will be different.

When I was a kid I once had a real birthday party at a pool where my friends actually showed up en masse. A pool party at a hotel, I was the coolest! But in their Christmas fervor, the hotel double booked and I had to share my pool party with a stranger and their even bigger group of friends.

Thanks, Casual Acquaintance, for the offer to go grab birthday drinks, but staying home alone eating Christmas leftovers and the birthday cupcake I bought myself is less awkward than you trying all night to convince me that my birthday matters to everyone who didn’t show up to celebrate.

Us Holiday Birthdayers will never get a surprise birthday party. And if we do it will be littered with left over poinsettia napkins and bulk plastic cups with next year’s date on it.

A few years ago I tried moving my birthday party to July so more people could come and I could party like everyone else. Two people showed up- me having an actual birthday party was too unheard of, no one knew whbirthday bummerat to do, so they all stayed home.

Unlike the streamlined convenience of today’s world, I am not a thing to be made more convenient for your use, I am an equal person who would like to feel original and unique for one day just like everyone else and not penciled in between getting over your food hang-over and your getting ready for your champagne hang-over.

On a positive note though, with the snow, the Christmas lights, evergreen, and holly, outdoor skating rinks, polar bears, penguins and angelic music routing the likes of Niki Minajnana and Meghan forgottoinclude-that-bass Trainor (every time that song plays, another angels looses their wings), us Christmas birthday celebrators have the most beautiful time of the year to call our own.

Author’s Note: I have to personally give credit to my family who really have made great efforts for doing their best to keep my birthday and Christmas separate from each other. When the rare people stand up to defend the birthday rights of another, they deserve public lauding.


2 thoughts on “Christmas Conflicts of Interest- Holiday Birthdays

  1. *sniff, sniff* You really know how to cry me a river. :,( Ah yes, the pool party. How could I have forgotten. Also the snow storms that stayed people away and not to forget all those who SKIPPED town that week, My story, that happened all too often… my birthday being the END of November was oft combined with Christmas, No tree, lights, singing or merry making. Yes, we tried VERY hard to make your day special, because YOU ARE. Also, you did get a huge present wrapped in red shiny paper and an huge bow that had lights on it (which were lit). You however opted to have that a your Christmas present instead of your birthday and mom timed her visit to exactly correspond with your birthday.
    You did very well extracting emotion from your reader. I enjoyed your rant immensely.

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