This Glass Wall

Growing acceptance said that you were lost,
that you did not outrun the perils of war.
You did not know the odds hope put against you
So like a ghost you slip into the room unannounced ignorant of the rumours.
As an orchestra silenced by their conductor, everything,
everyone,
stops.
On a cue they all jump up like popping corn
And as a flurry of fall leaves caught up in the wind is swirled about
So they swirl about lauding you for making it back
from the grim reaper who waited in our thoughts to take you away.
The power of life and death changes many things
But how I am blinded to see aught else
but you
seems to remain as constant as a navigator’s star.
I feel naught even the floor upon which I stand,
I am frozen with my heart stopped.
For what I tried to run from I realize I can no longer escape:
You force me to face that my love for you will never end.
And yet through this glass wall between you and me-
This very one our injured hearts erected together,
I am bound to be a mere spectator to your life.

The happiness you once offered me in the paradise of your love
I turned away in the blindness of my pride.
Straight into war’s trenches you ran to forget
And into the life of another who understood how rarely happiness is found.
Oh how love makes fools of us all.
I have never dreamed a dream
Nor enjoyed the warmth of sun
Without the regret of you haunting me.
This glass wall refuses me from running to hug your neck in tearful joy
So behind it I wait for you to find me through the crowd.
What a fool I was then so smile at me now just like you used to, my sheathed heart begs of you!
I will not have you pity me this affection
nor will I reveal this confession to embarrass you, or estrange myself
So it is you who must shatter this glass wall and offer forever after together,
again,
and I will say yes.
Allow us to embrace like the lovers long separated that we are,
Kiss my neck and I will kiss your sweet face,
Rest your head upon my shoulder and whisper my name.
Whisper my name.
Whisper my name and set my soul free
Like dandelion seeds dancing in the wind.
I ache to show you this side of me still alive to you.
But I cannot, not for your happiness
with your new fiancé.
I will put on my brave face
And convince the world that I have moved on.

With the mocking platonic affection salvaged from our disaster
You find me at the wall and your face softens
As I’ve only seen it once before-
When your honesty couldn’t hide your unswayed fondness of me
before you walked away.
Putting your hand to the glass as one who would try to hold the image of a lost dream
I put my hand up to match yours.
Your eyes are sad and I brace myself
Against believing you wish our lives turned out differently too
and that this glass were still but loose sand never melted for us to walk upon.
While I am your first sight your fiancé is your last
She sweeps you away to herself
And once again I must watch.

Taken away by the adoring arms of the other
I alone see how your eyes linger,
As though the peace they seek remains behind.
I beg God for the chance to correct our mistakes,
To take away these consequences which I must live with,
Those very ones that make me cry at night from the cold void in my heart
Awoken to only you.
For a second time you make me want to believe in a God that will answer prayers.
In so far that they returned you from war’s muddy trenches they have been proven,
But can they make you hold my hand once more?
In my heart I stare after you and I am no longer in this room,
Alone I am sitting, crying, on the stairwell.
Crying  gratitude that you’re alive.
Crying despair at the way the future bodes like purgatory- payment for my sins;
Crying at my foolishness and frustrating powerlessness.
Unselfish love for you has me swallow the rock of my affections,
truly I wish you two well.
I find my voice to welcome you home
but I see into your eyes,
where you never could tell a lie,
And I know it then, that this is a sailorman to his mermaid,
that you are as tortured behind this glass wall
as I.
If she was not there would you shatter it?
Could I?
I will whisper your name tonight
My angels will carry the sound of it on their wings to your heart
for chance that someday we will find a hole in this glass.
For hope that on that day we can stop regretting each other,
that on that day we will get our second chance.
But on this day let us celebrate
Since, on the outside at least,
we have made our peace with each other.

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